It's time to start again. Honestly, my body and mind need it...
Starting with my mind...
I separated from my husband. It was an extraordinarily tough decision. I always felt that once you were married, that was it. It didn't matter if you were unhappy, you sucked it up and kept marching forwards. I figured that is how marriage is supposed to be. But after my Mum died, the little voice inside my head that was quietly telling me that I was unhappy, started to get a lot louder. I saw a therapist and it helped immensely. I did some stupid things too. I lashed out and did things that I thought would make me happy. I definitely needed change, but went about it the wrong way and hurt some people in the process. Still the outcome was needed.
It's been over 2 years and it is still hard. I don't regret the decision to leave, but it certainly has turned my life completely upside down...sometimes for the worse, but most of the time for the better. And the better is what matters.
In this time I was also diagnosed with diabetes...hence, the body...
Things are still not under control. It's been a year and a half. Sugars are still high. The medication sucks and is expensive. But I am determined to make it better. It's the only thing that can be done.
So what is the plan?
Well, "the body" is easy:
- take my medication every day
- test my blood glucose multiple times a days
- get my diet back to where it should be for a diabetic
- start exercising 5 times a week
- lose weight
- continue with appointments with the eye doctor
- see my doctor regularly
- regularly attend meetings at the diabetes clinic
I will add more as time goes on, but these are things I need to work on now to get to where I need to be healthy.
As for "the mind", it's harder. This will be an ever changing list that keeps evolving over time. Some to start out:
- find my place in the culinary world - I know it's where I want to be, now to find my best fit
- become the best Mum I can be to my kids (not the one I *think* I should be)
- nurture my new relationship with a wonderful man
- journal, journal, journal (or blog, blog, blog)...this is always good for my mind to get things out
I know that I tend to be so overly strict on myself that I set myself up for failure. I realize I need to do this forever, so babysteps are necessary. So tomorrow's goal is just to report back here and write. I doubt anything on the lists will get accomplished tomorrow, but talking about it and keeping on task is a good start.
Jenny
P.S. Signed up for http://www.loseit.com and also downloaded it to my phone. Probably won't be perfect for a week or so, but I'm going to keep tracking everything there, just to see where I'm starting from before I dive in.
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